WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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