where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
