just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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