I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
please come you make the beer taste better
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You made out with two different species that night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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