Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
