On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i now understand why vodka
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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