How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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