the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Couch. On fire.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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