i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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