I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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