6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize