This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
