Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
