Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
