we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize