I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
