have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
