I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
