We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize