it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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