There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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