I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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