i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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