how can u be prego again
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
