I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
