It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
