I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
