New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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