You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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