You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
