There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
