I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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