Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
