I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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