Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
