GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
