wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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