i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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