I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just threw up on my dentist
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
