I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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