There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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