I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
