I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
