dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
