pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
did i just pee glitter
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
