3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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