overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
