I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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