saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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