Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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