GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize