Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to be your penis for a week.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
