yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
