He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
