U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize