I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
