she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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