these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
