I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
