went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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