two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
