So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
