I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
