Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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