I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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