new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
