So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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