I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
