I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
