I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
