I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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