I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
