i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
