He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is Oprah even human
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
