On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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