happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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