I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
