Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
