i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
