I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
