While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
