Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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