Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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