Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
