I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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