apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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