i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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