shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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