Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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