Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
