ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
