i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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