But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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