Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
