rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
