apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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