So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
