My girlfriend figured out who you are.
4 words: hood of his car
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
