I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
