I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
