Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
