dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize