Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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