I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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