she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
