In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
