He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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