I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
