he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize