Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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