Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
