he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
