someone get that fucking seahorse.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
