I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
