Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
