Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
May the power of my ass compel you!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
