that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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