i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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